Blank Space

I keep meaning to post some basic information or a faq or something here, but I barely get any time at my computer and when I do I can’t think what to say. But at this point I have two email threads, twelve WhatsApp chats, five Facebook Messenger chats, a Ravelry thread, and a Google Hangout going, and that’s just the people who know and are concerned. I’m losing track of who knows what and I have to have some central place for information, but then I feel like a dork if someone asks how I’m doing and I refer them to the blog, like that’s SO 2003. But keeping all those people updated by typing on a screen with my thumbs is time- and spoon-consuming and people are falling through the cracks and I feel guilty because they’re worried and I know they want to help but I just can’t keep this many threads straight in my head.

All of which is to say watch this space and eventually there will be some information. Probably. Maybe at the weekend? I’m probably going to have to abandon my commitment to the linear narrative, though.

Song du jour of the day: What Becomes of the Broken Hearted? by Jimmy Ruffin.

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And Then In a Week

So it’s been a week, and at this point it’s probably not going to turn out to have been a horrible nightmare and I’m going to have to face it, so.

My husband left me. And then I checked myself into a psychiatric clinic.

That’s all I feel safe sharing right now.

Song du Jour of the Day will probably be patchy for awhile yet because I can’t listen to music, but lately Brook Benton’s Rainy Night in Georgia keeps forcing its way through the white noise.


The last two weeks

I seem to remember that it made sense to go off the Citalopram because I was down to four pills or so and it’s kind of a nuisance to call the doctor and then go pick up the rx and get it filled every not-even-two-months, I mean if I’m supposed to keep taking them then why do I have to do this so often, and anyway I was really busy and also generally happy with life i.e. not depressed, so I didn’t need depression meds, right? And then everything kind of spun out of control and I found myself in that state I get in, where my brain is like a jar of angry bees and I can’t figure out what to do first so I just sit around helplessly and hate myself for not doing anything. And I used up all my social spoons (and may have gone into spoon-debt, actually) and spent last weekend in bed with a migraine that totally belied all of my “they’re not as bad lately!” and when I crawled blearily out of that hole last Monday, I finally made the connection between stopping the meds and… yeah. So that happened.

It still took me until Friday (yesterday? Guess so) to refill the prescription, so I’m on my way back. This past week was still busy and full, and this weekend I have been mostly an inert mass, but I’m working on it. And by “it” I mean… uh. Doing things. Today I did one thing. Tomorrow maybe I’ll do two!

Song du jour of the day: In a Week, by Hozier. And Karen Cowley.


Someone should really have a talk with me.

Yesterday I went to Other Aldi in search of undies (because Usual Aldi didn’t have them in my size), and after I found them I wandered around the store for 45 minutes looking for other things to buy so they* wouldn’t think I was only there to buy undies. Then I saw how long the checkout lines were, so I put everything back and left the store without buying anything. 

Also yesterday, I wondered yet again why I never seem to have enough time to accomplish All the Things.

*(Who is they? The cashiers at a store you to to every couple months, max, and they couldn’t possibly remember or care who you are or what you buy?) Sigh. Yep, them.


This (actually not-that-)Old House

I really love drop caps. No idea why, just always have. And this one works for two paragraphs! Efficient!

don’t really know how this came about, maybe he’s planning on turfing us out soon, but our landlord, a very nice retired theology professor who now lives in Vienna, decided to re-do the gutters this fall. (“They really needed doing,” you will point out, noting the waterfall that inundates the balcony every time it rains. As a house-owner myself, I can tell you that that is true for at least five years before anything actually gets done. Hell, the house we bought in 2006 needed a new roof even then.) People came and put scaffolding up, which I am ignoring while Mr. Husband grouses. Apparently he doesn’t like watching people’s shins trudge past his window while he’s trying to work.

It’s been a month and a half, and the gutters are done, but the landlord thought that since the scaffolding was still up he might as well have the house re-painted too, why not. (That’s actually what made me think he wants to get rid of us. I’m not as offended by this as you might think. Ten rooms is too damn many and I am more than ready to move into something I can actually keep clean-ish. I know Robert won’t miss paying to heat this beast.)

Thing Two is indifferent to all of this. Fair enough, his room is in the roof, and the scaffolding doesn’t go up that high, so maybe it’s not bothering him, but a couple days ago we had some fairly strong winds and the scaffolding made all kinds of exciting noises, like a ship about to sink in a storm (I know this sound from moves, not from direct experience, I should probably add). I thought that would make an impression, but “What noise?” he said.
Me: Didn’t you hear all that groaning and creaking?
He: Yeah, but I thought it was you.

Now that’s thinking on your feet, kid. I was truly impressed. 

Song du jour of the day: Our House, by Madness. Not an accurate depiction of our actual house, but a kickin’ tune.


Cool things you learn

So I saw this video probably on Facebook because that’s where I see most things anyway this was a guy showing how to cut a pomegranate (and speaking Turkish! Which I was able to identify after only five weeks in my Turkish course yay me!)

And yesterday at Aldi they had pomegranates, so I had to buy one and try out this cool technique. I did it from memory rather than just watching the whole video, but it worked! Sort of. Well, not bad for a first try. 

And then I had to eat a whole pomegranate. 

I did get some pomegranate juice splitches* on my Turkish workbook, which I had up til then kept pristine for reasons I don’t actually understand. @Melanie: is this irony?

*Splitch: a very tiny splotch. It is too a word, I’m a linguist and I say so. 

Song du jour of the day: I looked for a pomegranate song, but didn’t find any I liked, so instead here’s Yuve Yuve Yu, by The HU. Not a big metal fan, even though it’s my sons’ favorite genre, but if more metal were like this, I’d be more into it. Wolf Totem’s pretty good too.


Whoo, that’s a lot of dust!

Haven’t been here for what, four years? But Jenny Lawson asked me to fire up the blog again, and you don’t say no to The Bloggess.

The reasons I fell out of blogging are various. The whole thing started as a sort of letter to my mother, living in another country, and the fact that I kept it going for like nine years after her death is actually pretty impressive, for me. But my kids grew up, and protecting their privacy became important. I had a severe bout of depression, with suicidal thoughts that I didn’t admit to anyone until… (counts on fingers) about three years after it ended. Made it hard to write. No, hard to publish. I wrote a lot, I just couldn’t share it because I thought it was all utter crap. (It may have been; I was in no state to judge.) I started grad school and felt that all of my writing should be directed toward that. Just… a lot of things. A lot of reasons.

Not a lot has changed in four years. Still in grad school, starting my 8th semester of a 4-semester program. Same husband, same house, same cat, very similar job. The boys are fine, that’s all I’ll say about them, probably. Song du jour of the day fans will be chagrined to note that my taste in music has not improved.

I’m not sure what I’ll write about, but I made some really great friends through my blog, and I still have some of them. The kids today have their let’s-plays and their make-up tutorials and Ryan Gosling not eating cereal. I’m a word nerd, so flinging words out into the universe seems like a thing I should do. Or at least a thing I would do.

Song du jour of the day: From Eden. Hozier.