Category Archives: rant

April Fool

That’s right, I’ll say it – the year should turn over in the spring, not the dead of drecky, yucky, miserable winter. And why? Because of resolutions, that’s why.

No, seriously! Resolutions fail because they’re made in January. Some examples?

  • Hey, Imma start eating right! When the only things in season are cabbage and icicles. Yes they are healthy but they’re no. damn. fun.
  • Howbout let’s get fit? What can we do without actually leaving the house, because have you seen it out there? Wet, cold, windy, slippy, and almost always dark? Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.
  • I’m finally going to write that novel! A peppy little number about darkness. And despair.
  • Talk to people more! About how dark and depressing everything is, and how much I hate winter.
  • Spend less money, save more! On what, heat? Electricity? Food? All things you need more of in the dead of winter.
  • Quit smoking or drinking? Good Lord, what does this leave me to live for!?
  • Get organized! Oh, what’s the point?

You see? You SEE? Every damn one of these resolutions is easier to keep when there’s sunlight and a chance of leaving the house without losing a couple of toes to frostbite. The only sensible resolution to make at this time of year is to hunker down and try to survive until the sun comes back.

I rest my case.

(Okay, yes, this is partly bitterness. I rang in the New Year in Rural Hell, Germany, and now that I’m home I could get started – in fact I was just about to go downstairs and clean the kitchen, but I’m pinned in my chair by a warm sleepy kitty. But it’s only partly bitterness – deep down, I know I’m on to something here.)

Song du jour of the day: Yesterday is Here, by Tom Waits.

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oh, God, not another one…

Debra Medina, like Sarah Palin only frumpy. Well, not quite like Sarah Palin, because apparently she is educated, and yet she still thinks people would be better off without government. Without 911, without public schools, paved streets, traffic laws, money, public sanitation, or anything but private property and guns, which she calls the two rights essential to freedom. Not the first things the word “freedom” brings to my mind, but whatever. Oh, and she wants the Texas National Guard to line the border and keep out Mexicans. One, that would be relying on a government institution, and two, would that include her Mexican-American husband?

Dear Texas: Secede. Really. Do it. Stop accepting Uncle Sam’s money, send all those federal contracts elsewhere, shut down every public service your sales tax can’t afford. Take your trigger-happy dumbshit paranoid rednecks, go live your government-free fantasy, and raise the collective IQ of the rest of the U.S. You’d be doing us all a favor.

Song du jour of the day: Just Go Away, by Blondie.


oh, right…

  • On Tuesday, I washed all the windows in the house.
  • On Wednesday, the pollen trees sneezed on all my clean windows.
  • On Thursday, there was a storm. With hail.

Now I remember why I hate housework.

Song du jour of the day: Fairytale, by Alexander Rybak, for Norway.


Apostrolypse

I get so irked when people put apostrophes where they don’t belong, especially in plurals. I mean, how hard can it be? I do it as a typo occasionally, but then I notice and I FIX IT. I know that some people don’t think it matters, but seriously, if I see that on a store or restaurant sign, I will not patronize that business. It makes me wonder what else they’re too stupid to do: wash their hands? Check expiration dates? Give me the correct change? Nope, nope, nope. If it’s not stupidity, then it’s apathy, and that’s worse. Continue reading


bad hippie. no soybar.

You know, I do believe that global warming is a serious threat, and that human activity has contributed significantly to it. I do think we should stop being so wasteful of non-renewable energy, of energy in general, really. But this Earth Hour business, it Makes No Sense. What do you do for an hour in the dark? (Heh heh, yeah right, the kids are still awake, you pervert.) Watching TV or using your computer still consumes energy – lots of it. Read a book? With a flashlight (batteries! toxic metals, electronic waste!) or candles? Would that be tallow (byproduct of beef-fat rendering – overgrazing! deforestation!) or paraffin (a byproduct of petroleum refining) candles? Continue reading


the dratted fondue set

I know, I’m a horrible, ungrateful wretch, but oh, God. Does anyone else have in-laws like this? They have a damn fondue set, and Ignatz wanted to try fondue, so we asked if we could borrow it for Christmas dinner – one night out of the whole year, when they’d be at our house anyway, so we knew they wouldn’t be needing it themselves – and they bought us a new one. They did the same thing when we asked to borrow the extra coffee maker that they never use, and the little stand that you put a candle in to keep the teapot warm. Every time, they say theirs is not good enough for some reason (the tea-thing was too old-fashioned-looking to borrow for a few days – who freaking cares?), and we shouldn’t worry, because the new one didn’t cost very much. But (do I even need to explain this?) it’s not the money, it is the lovely lots of space in our beautiful house that they are gradually filling up with dust-collecting crap that we won’t hardly ever use. Continue reading


it’s not about free speech

David Irving and Nick Griffin want to speak in public, and when someone tries to say no, they play Dennis the Peasant (Help! Help! I’m being repressed!). But it’s a lie, and they know it. They’re just using our own rhetoric against us. You think, if they were in power, you’d be free to call bullshit on them? Continue reading