Daily Archives: 10 January 2013

The Black Dog

So as established, New Year’s Resolutions are full of fail so I’m not really making them. Exactly. I mean, I bought the Wii Zumba back in November or so, and I started cooking properly back in September, and also, at some point, I resolved to blog again, but it wasn’t anywhere around the turn of the year.

Aaaand it hasn’t gone so well. The radio silence is broken, DrBob’s current employer knows that he has an offer from another university, so I don’t have that secret to keep anymore, but.

But. I don’t want to write if I can’t be funny, or at least mildly engaging, and if I’m not feeling it, I can’t fake it. You saw that in the last entry – me trying to be funny, and coming across as shrewish and bitter. And I’m not feeling it a lot, lately.

There’s no good reason for this, it just comes out of nowhere and drags me down sometimes, anxiety and sadness and this deep sense of inadequacy that won’t go away until it’s damn well ready. The wonderful Jenny Lawson says “Depression lies,” but when I’m in the middle of it all the ugly words anybody has ever said to me ricochet around my head and it all feels true. Yes, it isn’t, but this doesn’t come from any logical place, so I can’t fix it with logic, I just have to ride it out and hope it doesn’t come back again soon.

So that’s what I’m hopefully climbing out of right now – this might just be the eye of the storm, we’ll see – and that’s why I’ve had so little to say lately. I mean, I have LOTS! It just had to wait a bit while I was dealing with some extra gravity.

Song du jour of the day: Love’s Divine, by Seal.