the tyranny of the blank page

… is nothing to the tyranny of the itty-bitty scrap of screen real estate that WordPress allows for composing a new blog post. Oh, they try to make the interface look all clean with the white and the pale gray and the tiny blue letters, but really, how can you clear your mind with all this onscreen clutter? And how can you get an overview of your post when you can only see 2×5 inches of text at a time? Also, my spacebar is malfunctioning, argh. Shakespeare never had to put up with this crap.

So anyway, I turned 40. I worked from home with the kids rattling around, basically a normal day, but I have a good life, so the normal days are good days. And since then I’ve been working too much to think about being 40.

It is a kind of a milestone, you know? If you don’t yet have the life you want, 40 says it’s time to get your butt in gear. And I suppose I have most of my ducks in a row: I have a job-job (in contrast to the joblet and the freelance stuff I had before, and actually still have, which is why I’m still working on the weekend). The kids are becoming vaguely humanoid, although that may not stay true; they’re pretty much raising themselves now that I’m working so much. The marriage seems reasonably healthy, although as it is my first one, I don’t really have a basis for comparison, I guess. I have friends. I have time to knit. I’ve managed to make people think I can speak Dutch, which is almost like actually being able to speak it.

The Fitness Duck is emphatically NOT in a row – dance/yoga/whatever classes are hella expensive, and now that I’m working and can afford them, I can’t spare the time. Also, my ankle still wants to rest. Stupid ankle. And I am feeling puffy and depressed because my clothes are too tight but other than that they’re perfectly good so I can’t throw them away which means there would be no place to put new ones, if I were to go out and buy them. I’ve been trying, sort of, a little bit, but shopping makes me feel stabby.

Okay, so clearly 40 hasn’t brought about any major personality changes. Looks like I will manage to grow old without growing up…

Song du jour of the day: Imitation of Life, by REM.


6 responses to “the tyranny of the blank page

  • Alex

    I also turned 40 on the 22nd! what a small world…

    Wish you the best

  • Nate

    Well, being a guy and an engineer and all, what else could I do but offer advice toward a solution to your problem? Look for the middle ground between “yoga classes that take time to prepare for and travel to an do and travel back from” and “blehbideh”. One of the best weight-management tools I know of is to take a brisk walk (or, hop, in your case right now) after dinner. It actually doesn’t have to be brisk. Remember, though, this comes from someone whose ‘battle of the bulge’ looks closer to a thumb war than actual armed conflict. But I am about 10 lbs off my high (188) and holding.

    on 40: most of my realistic aims for 40 were met years ago, and I’m guessing you’re a bit farther ahead (especially with the job bit) than you imagined yourself 15 years ago. I hope you got the package we sent (or will soon). It left us on the 12th. : )

    • alala

      Actually, I imagined myself going back to work when my youngest was 3, so I have a fair bit of catching up to do. As for walking, that would be a good idea, except that it’s cooooooooold out

  • amy

    When I turn 40 I won’t even have all my kids in school full-time yet. So I certainly hope I don’t have to have everything sorted by then. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do when I have the time to do it, and unlike when I was 18, I figure I’ll really only get one shot to do it right. If I want to go back to school for something, it’d better be the Something Something, you know? The problem is I keep changing my mind on what that might be…

    May I grow old without growing up right along with you?

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