So we can’t really see moving to London. That leaves us with, well, this, for the long term. DrBob commutes, I stay here with the boys. He’s decided that this is working. I have decided that it isn’t.
He doesn’t enjoy being in England (um, to be fair, he’s not really making an effort to get a life there, he just works and sleeps. I’m trying to convince him that that is a poor choice…), but after three weeks home he says it’s bearable, this commuting thing.
I say, this momming-alone thing is a lot harder than it was the first time I did it. That first time Ignatz was 3, the Sniglet wasn’t born yet, and I was in my home town, three blocks from my mother. Now I’m outnumbered, and foreign, and those two factors count for more than I had expected them to. I tried to explain this to DrBob the other day, and it was very interesting to see how hard he tried not to hear what I was saying.
Thing is, we both managed to get the children we deserve. That is, Ignatz is mini-me, and we do fight occasionally, but I understand him. The Sniglet is mini-DrBob, and this sort of automatic rapport that Ignatz and I have is completely missing for me and the Sniglet. I just don’t get him, and I often feel like he is deliberately picking fights with me. Especially over food: I offer him something and he says “I’m not eating that shit” and I say “we do not talk like that, not ever,” in my Seriously Mad Voice, and usually he backs down, but today he just kept pushing and pushing. I’m just so tired, and I know DrBob meant well with the advice, but it just… I’m sorry, when you feel crappy about something, it just doesn’t help to be told why it’s your fault.
So now my husband’s mad at me too.
Bad day. Tomorrow will be better.
ETA: DrBob called later to… not exactly to apologize, just to have our last conversation of the day be a better one. Which is how he apologizes. And Ignatz, who is not even remotely demonstrative, gave me the first hug I’ve gotten from him in, what, five, six years? Just because I was having a rough day.
Song du jour of the day: Just What I Needed, by the Cars.