in which I ponder implications

Well they couldn’t reach him, so they called me to ask me to ask him to call them so they could offer him the job. When I did reach him he sounded a bit… flustered. I just picked him up from the airport, and I’m flustered too. Happy. Proud. Relieved. It was my decision to come back here to Germany, and I’ve wondered for, oh, nearly six years now if, in doing so, I had fatally sabotaged his career. He hasn’t accepted yet, he has until Wednesday to make a decision, but I will of course encourage him to take the job.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, I’d be a single mother for half the year, O fate worse than death. But it’s not. I was raised by a single mom, then a single step-mom, then back to the single mom again, it’s what I know. And if I said “Puh-leeeeeze don’t take the job I can’t live without you,” he’d probably take that into consideration, except that I’ve already lived without him (we were separated for a year (1998)), so he’d know I was lying. I know, having Been There, that the real horror of single motherhood is the poverty, and without that, it’s basically just another way to do the parent thing. That’s really not the part I’m worried about.

What part am I worried about? I don’t know. I don’t think I am worried. I think I’m so happy that I’m not quite ready to believe it yet. I will have to learn how to deal with the bureaucracy, pay the bills, hang shelves and do household repairs – all stuff that is harder here in Germany than it was in my hometown, three blocks from my mom’s house, which is where Ignatz and I lived in 1998, but you know. I haven’t learned all that yet because I didn’t have to. Frankly, it’s about frickin’ time I did.

But he’s worked so hard. And he’s been so patient. And this isn’t just any old job that he’d be taking because it’s better than nothing, this is a good school where he can do research and write and his interests match theirs and he likes the people he met today and this will be so good for him. He really deserves it.

Song du jour of the day: Oh Happy Day, by Edwin Hawkins.

4 responses to “in which I ponder implications

  • FirstNations

    wow, this sounds heavy! it’s a trade off for sure, but it sounds so positive all round that i support it-not like you were waiting with bated breath on that, just, you know….erm. anyway.
    surely you can visit back and forth, right? i hope?

  • Melanie

    All love to you, luck and congrats to DrBob, and friendly but not weird punches on the shoulder to the kidlets. I hope it all works out swimmingly for all of you. Hitting a bit close to home for us, also of the not-living-together-full-time variety. When I was 3-4 days a week in Vancouver, some idiot actually asked me “what was the point of being married” if not living together full time. Cheesh!
    Hows the knitting?
    :) Melanie

  • amy

    Well, congratulations all around. And I have no doubt that you are tremendously self-sufficient, not that I’ve ever met you, but you know.

    I know what you mean about the single parent thing. When my husband goes through his bouts of lots of travel–combined with his usual long working days–I will sometimes refer to myself as a “subsidized single mother,” which sure as heck beats being an unsubsidized single mother.

    Best of luck on this new adventure, for all of you! I hope it leads to wonderful, wonderful things.

  • Laura Florand

    Congratulations to DrBob. This is a tough one. It seems as if I am constantly seeing people in academia caught by this one, and lots of them handle it the way you said–spending part of the year apart. Others uproot, the other option you mentioned (you moving to London, too). We did the latter, as you know, but that was before kids.

    I’m sure you’ll figure out the best option, as tough a decision as it is. I second Amy, best of luck in this new adventure and may it lead to many wonderful things, even if it’s kind of scary right now. Setting off for Ithaka and all…

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