say WHAT?

So I’ve been bumbling along, thinking we’re going to buy a house soon here in OurTown, thinking the major issue was about the two houses, which one do I want, which does he want, how will we decide, blah blah blah. Last night we went out to dinner (in celebration of his third book, which still needs polishing, but is effectively done), and he’s all on about we need to consider all the options, we could move to Munich, we could move to any one of the thousand little hobbit-towns around here, we could invest the money and just wait some more, until we know more about our future – oh, that last one? Hel-lo? Pay rent for another year when we don’t have to (sound of toilet flushing)?

Okay, the thing is. The job that brought us here was for two years. The project got another three years of funding, so we found out, in October of 2003, that we’d still have jobs in January of 2004. In around that was all the applications to universities on two continents, so even if the project continued there was always the possibility that we’d be moving anyway. So even though we’ve been in this house for five years, there has never been a time when we could definitively say that we knew where we’d be Next Year. Our furniture is mostly lightweight, easy to move or disposable, we don’t have anything nice – we sleep on mattresses on the floor, DrBob and I – because we might have to move at any time. And he’s always saying soon we’ll know more, and wait a bit, and here it is again. And I tried to make nice at the restaurant last night because fighting in restaurants is such a horrible thing, but frankly? I’m a little irritated.

Because I’m tired of this instability, indeed I am. I am sick of not knowing where we’ll be next, or when Next will start – to the point of being willing to accept that he might have to spend half the year in Berlin, but the kids and I are staying here, dammit. Think about the kind of pressure that would make you willing to be a single mom for half the year. And I thought here we had at least part of a decision made, that we’d narrowed it down to a particular town at least, but no, apparently those conversations didn’t happen and it’s all up in the air again. Daaargh!

You know how they say libras have a hard time making decisions because they can see both sides of an issue? Right, well I’m here to tell you that when an issue has forty sides? It makes us very, very unhappy.

Song du jour of the day: Crazy, by R.E.M.

Oh also? I forgot to say that I ganked the pirate quiz from Kelly. Thanks, Kel, yes I am very pirate-y. Hee hee hee.

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One response to “say WHAT?

  • KimberlyDi

    It would be tough living with that uncertainty. I love having a house. Having the ability to put down roots.

    I hope that this gets resolved for you. We all deserve alittle stability in our lives.

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