All apologies

This wretched, wretched weather has unleashed my Inner Bitch, and all my attempts at posting result in tedious rants. I had a doozy about how DrBob hasn’t lifted a finger to help around the house lately, but then he made dinner and picked the Sniglet up from kindergarten without being asked. And he hadn’t even seen my Angry Wife rant, he’s just being instinctively infuriating.

So anyway, expect a lot of quiz results, memes, and funny stuff shamelessly ganked from other sites until I manage to get my head out of my butt. Like this gem from Izzy Mom:

The following are answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. To clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones, then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but I bet she was pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $100 a month? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more stuff to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms are the boss cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t get spare time.
2. She pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. A diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

Song du jour of the day: Nirvana’s Negative Creep is apt for today, because of the weather and my resultant cold toes and rotten mood.

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3 responses to “All apologies

  • landismom

    That was freakin’ hilarious. I’m off to diet my hair blue.

  • ~d (tilde)

    OMIGOD! this is unreal-kind of like the Divinyls unreal. JUST last night I was ‘cleaning’ up around my desk and I found THAT thing you posted with my eldest’s answers! We had asked him the questions with the intent of posting THAT to like my folks or wahtever. Mine is dated Feb 6, 2006. (doesnt say much abt my DESK cleaning-but I thought you’d get a kick )

  • KimberlyDi

    I loved it. Thanks for making my day.

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